I was chatting with my friend Jenn this over the weekend (she is possibly going to be laid off this summer from her job of ten years - ugh - but my fingers are crossed for her) and got to thinking about what happens if I don't find a job and my unemployment runs out.
Specifically, about how I feel about contributing no money to the household.
Even now, my meager unemployment check makes me feel like I am justified in spending a little (and when I say little, I mean a little) but how will I feel when B is the only one bringing in an income? Frankly, it makes me a little uncomfortable.
We were in the situation where we were on pretty equal footing salary wise - so we do have the basic concern about how we will cover all our expenses in general. But even if bills weren't a concern, I just don't know if I'll ever feel comfortable spending money when I'm not earning money.
Yes, I know being a full time mom is a job in itself. More than a full time job. But G isn't paying me. I don't get overtime for getting up in the middle of the night. I don't get a bonus for coercing my future wrestling star (I'm not kidding, I think he may have a future in that or MMA) into a diaper at record speeds. I don't get benefits for picking up toys five times a day.
Maybe if it had been this way from the get go, where I stayed home and was a full time domestic technician, I'd feel differently. But somehow, it feels wrong to go out and purchase anything for myself when I know it's B's hard earned money.
Women have been doing this for years. Why does it feel odd to me? I love being home with G, and I do feel like it's benefiting both of us, but how do I overcome this feeling that I'm not contributing?
I've always joked about how I'd love to be a kept woman. But now that I *kind of * am, it is just bizarre.
3 comments:
I know how you feel..I always feel as though I should be bringing in something. what works for us is an equal allowance. Every check we get whatever we can offer...Sometimes it is 50.00 for the 2 weeks sometimes it is a 100...I am frugal everyday on every purchase to honor his hardwork..I also make sure he has dinner and I always make sure I have some energy for him when he comes home. It helps with the guilt...but no matter what he will provide for you and G...he will love doing it as long as you are doing your part..staying home. It is so rewarding when you find the balance! I also consign clothes..mine and the kids and willearn extra money monthly in this..to buy new clothes or buy a coffee.
I have the exact same feelings! I am not sure that I can rely on someone else (even though it is my hubby) to provide for K and myself 100%. I am not sure that I will be feel needed or worthy without contributing money to the household.... aaaah, the joys of losing a job. Not only do we have to deal with those emotions but we also have to deal with the new emotions of being at home and all that it entails. I look up to SAHM's but have never really wanted to be one (although it would be nice to only work 2-3 days a week!). You will figure it out and if my time comes, I will to...
I can relate with what you're talking about and I agree that a big part of it is based on how the relationship started out. It's the change that feels weird. I feel like I have to analyze every purchase I make and find myself justifying it but then I realize I'm doing it to make me feel better, my guy isn't analyzing how I spend it, he's worrying about the big picture and so am I so we're on the same team. I think finding some small way to get a little $$ in is VERY helpful. Even $100 a month goes a long way to feeling like I have some of my own.
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