Dear 2009, Good Riddance...

This year has blasted by. And thank goodness. I don't know how much more yucky stuff could have happened this year. Okay, I know it COULD have been worse. I don't even want to THINK about that.

2009 - A Crappy Year in Review.

I was laid off (but actually this is kind of a positive too)

• M.I.L. diagnosed with lung cancer.
• High school friend passed away after fighting breast cancer for five years.
• Drama.
• Brother in law laid off.
• Did I mention drama?
  

But, in retrospect, many great things happened this year.

So, as this year (DECADE?!) draws to a close, I'd like to focus on the happy things. Because I anticipate many more happy things in 2010.

My Top Ten Good Things of 2009.

1) My husband. He teases me mercilessly. He stays thin even when he eats, seriously, like the worst, crappiest food in the universe. He makes me watch the Science Channel and MMA. He is physically incapable of putting the laundry in the laundry basket. And I'm still crazy about him. He is an amazing man, and after this year, I am truly amazed that he turned out like he did. He is a testament to the apple falling VERY FAR from the tree.

2) Babies! So many of my girlfriends welcomed little ones this year. A few surprises, many meticulously planned out, all delicious and wonderful!

3) B got a great promotion. He is finally getting recognized for the GENIUS he is - not even sarcastic - he is truly one of the most intelligent people I know.

4) The Sisterhood. What can I say. I love those hookers (and Brian, our, um, pimp). I can't begin to tell you what a huge difference these peeps have made in my life. I can't wait for our new challenge to begin (go check it out!) and for all our crazy adventures this year - including a 1/2 marathon. I AM RUNNING A HALF MARY IN 2010!

5) Kauai. Never has a vacation been more needed. That is all.

6) Reconnecting with B's Dad, Stepmom and Half Sister. The more I get to know them, the more I know what my life was missing. I'm so thankful for them!

7) The Whole Fam Damily. Even though some of them did hurtful things, I must step back and realize that they are human and not as perfect as I. Oh, I kid. Overall, I love my family and my husband's family very much. Some of them don't make the best decisions, but at least they are entertaining.

8) Old friends (you know who you are). I've had a lot of the same girlfriends since junior high (some even earlier - and I've picked up some more along the way). There's a reason they're still in my life. No, not because you have some horrible photographic blackmail material (hello, grunge years), but because you are all amazing women. I have a fabulous collection of girlfriends. Love.

9) Running. I love it, I hate it. But nothing peels off the pounds and keeps me out of therapy/off meds like good old pounding the pavement. Who knew?

10) My G-Rex. Is it sad that my 2 year old is my best bud in the world? I don't think so! He is just amazing. I can't remember (and don't want to) what life was like before him. How can you be in a sour mood when a toddler runs up, grabs your cheeks and kisses you. Impossible!

So, when I think about 2009, there was a lot of heartbreak, a lot of um, yes, DRAMA, and a lot of anger.

But, in so many ways, the bitter makes the sweet SO much sweeter.

My Two Cents and Then I'll Shut Up.

Against all my better judgment, I have this overwhelming need to open my mouth about the newly deemed 'end of days'. By which I mean the Swine Flu. H1N1. Whatever you're calling it.

I should know better than this because this is probably the one subject that will get reaction. Well, this and the Duggars. Everytime I write about them, the Duggar patrol comes out of FREAKING NOWHERE to comment. I'm serious. I think they employ people to Google them 24/7.

SO ANYWAYS. Swine flu. Anybody else sick of hearing about it? Tired of all the Purell being stripped from the shelves? Seeing people on the news wearing masks? Tamiflu being stockpiled in top secret locations (so the crazies won't try to break in and steal it all)? Pigs being slaughtered for no good reason?

Episodes such as this are really telling of how easily we are manipulated by the media. The 'regular flu' killed thousands of people last year - where was all the coverage? It's baffling.

I get that it's scary. That people down in Mexico have died. But let's step back a second - are we taking into account the lack of healthcare in Mexico? Sanitary issues?

Already, reports are coming out indicating that the Swine Flu isn't nearly as bad as first reported. Most cases in the U.S. have been mild. MILD!

Maybe the term 'pandemic' should not be used. I think for some the word itself is just scawwy. Remember SARS? And the Bird Flu? Yes, those were 'pandemics' as well. Pandemics have existed throughout history. People get sick. And they spread it all around. It sucks, but that's just the way things go.

So, boys and girls, wash your hands, cover your mouth when you cough and don't sneeze all over each other. And if you don't feel good, stay home. Isn't that always sound advice?

All this said, I'm not a doctor, and heaven forbid, I could have this all wrong. But for now, I'm not going to become a shut in, or buy out all the masks at Rite Aid, or bathe my child in Purell. Call me crazy.

Earth Day - My Way.

What did you do for Earth Day?

I was feeling kind of bad because I didn't officially do anything.

But then I thought about it, and the 'green' things I do everyday. Such as:

- I hardly ever drive. Today I needed something from the grocery store and drugstore and we walked, 3 miles round trip.

- I conserve water. Like some days I don't shower and I only flush the toilet after number 2 - mostly because the only time I get to go to the bathroom is when the child is napping, and his room is right next to the bathroom and flushing wakes him up! Yes, kind of gross, but it does CONSERVE WATER! I bet a lot of busy moms do this everyday and don't even think about it.

- I keep and reuse all my yogurt and sour cream containers. Great for leftovers.

- I compost. Actually, I create all the waste for the compost and my wonderful husband puts it in the bin, takes its temperature, and turns it. He's all scientific about it and stuff. Whatever works, right?

And I'm sure there are a bunch of other little things I do, more in the name of being cheap - but hey, today, I'm calling them GREEN.

By the way, if you want your website to totally freeze up with traffic, have Oprah mention your product with a discount. I finally got on the SIGG website - they are offering 20% off with the code 'HARPO', and To Go Ware is also offering 20% off with the code 'TOGO20.' I'm ordering this from SIGG. How much does it look like my blog?! So groovy!

In the Blogging Closet.

Confession time.

Not too many people in my life know I have a personal blog. They know I have a blog for my son, but that is something I keep separate. It's highly edited. As in, a few photos and sentences - because I'm guessing that's probably what that audience wants.

Why do I not openly tell others about my blog?

I ask myself that a lot. One conclusion I've come to is that I kind of dig the anonymity of saying what I want to say without having to come face to face with whomever is reading my rants. I do have a few friends who read, and who are very supportive.

Also, there's the part about how I'm trying to protect my fragile little ego. I'm not great at putting myself out there. I love constructive criticism, but am terrified of what people are REALLY thinking. Such as the incidence when I was still working and was chatting with a male coworker. Randomly he says 'Man, I think blogging is so narcissistic.'

I could have piped in and told him I had a blog. But that comment really stuck. It made me a little ashamed.

Am I narcissistic? It's possible. I pound out a bunch or randomness on my keyboard, not thinking to much about if it's actually readable or interesting. I HOPE others enjoy what I write.

Mostly, it's about writing. Getting stuff off my chest I feel I have to say but maybe don't have another arena in which to vent. Connecting with other people - because sometimes I feel kind of isolated as a stay at home mom. Exercising my brain - forcing myself to sit down and put something down on virtual paper.

Maybe someday I'll send out a big old group email to everyone on my contact list - 'Hey, check out my blog!'

But not today. For now, I'll keep on letting people stumble into it, and hope they keep coming back.

Red Scrunchie

Have you seen the movie 'Heathers'? Because apparently, my name is fitting.
Probably my junior year of college, my roommate Natalie came home (she was attending the local community college, I was at the local four year) and announced:
"I'm doing a group project with someone you went to high school with."
It wasn't a huge surprise since I was attending college about 10 miles from where I grew up.
"Who was it?" She told me, I won't say who it was here because it's probably irrelevant anyhow. I'll just call her Veronica (okay, if you don't get that please go watch Heathers. I'm serious.)
"I asked if she knew Heather Green and she said yes - I told her we're roommates."
"And?"
"She said 'I'm sorry'."
Thus began my soul searching to decide if I really, truly was a bitch in high school.
I'll admit, I did some petty things, but overall I always thought I was a nice person. But judging from Veronica's reaction to me, I guess maybe I thought wrong.
Bothersome to say the least - I can get obsessive over these things. Probably more then than now. I'm really susceptible to other's opinions of me. B thinks I'm crazy - he's one of those lucky people who thinks everyone can go stick their opinions. Not me.
I thought about Veronica's festering dislike of me and tried and tried to remember something I did to her - said about her - even if I looked at her funny at some point. Nothing surfaced.
My high school career was filled with a lot of self doubt, loathing, body hatred, you name it. So basically, pretty typical. But my defense mechanism to this was to be ultra type A.
Yearbook editor, three sports a year, as many clubs as I could join - you name it, I did it. I made myself so busy that maybe I put off some false aura of confidence.
So I guess I embodied Heather to some people.
But inside I felt like Martha Dumptruck.
I saw Veronica at our high school reunion and I swear I felt like she was trying to impress me, which I found to be very odd and comical. And sad.
I guess in high school, we're all Martha Dumptruck.

When I Grow Up.

Yesterday marked four weeks unemployed. It's surreal.
The strangest part is that I can hardly remember what it was like to work there. Yes, I miss the free coffee - seriously, the word MISS is an understatement. I ACHE for the free coffee. I drive by the stores and have to resist the magnetic pull because I absolutely refuse to spend any money feeding the beast.
The good news is the pain of rejection has faded and now I'm on to wondering what I'm going to do next.
Everyday, I do the usual job scan - Craigslist, Monster - and I am telling you, there is NOTHING. Its scary. I guess I could go back into the legal field but I honestly don't feel like going back on meds. Because I usually end up on meds when I work with attorneys (yes, there are some nice attorneys out there - but I haven't worked for them).
I was just getting to a point and had finally found a job that I felt was actually a career - something I could sink my teeth into and actually advance. But now, with only about a year and half of real estate experience under my belt, and very specialized experience at that, I'm kind of dead in the water.
This is the worst possible time to start a business, but all the time I fantasize about being self employed. I rack my brain...what am I good at? What can I offer that people would actually pay money for? Hmmmm. That last question just begs for a smart-ass comment. I won't go there!
What it comes down to is I can't justify leaving my child in childcare for a mediocre paying job that I'm not passionate about. I'm trying to see this as an opportunity to really stretch myself and dig deep to see where my talent and interest really lies.
And it takes me to this question: when I was little, what did I want to be when I grew up? The answer is the same across the board - a writer. That is, I wanted to be a writer until I got old enough to realize that being a writer just wasn't a practical profession. Then I wanted to be a teacher. Until I realized I didn't want to be overworked and underpaid.
Now, as I ponder my options (or lack thereof) my mind consistently wanders back to those two things. Maybe I should be more open to those things that excited me as a child. Perhaps the honest and open mind of a child has more depth than we give credit.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

City Girl Hearts the Country Life

We just returned from a lovely break in Chelan. Being over in Eastern Washington is like going to another world. It seems like everything is just slower. I LIKE IT!
I was out for a early morning walk (because baby does not care if it's my vacation, he's getting up at 5 am, dammit) in this little town called Manson and it made me wonder what it would be like to live in a small town. Village, really. Okay, I did grow up in a 'small town' but honestly, if you can drive to a city in fifteen minutes, does that really count?
I stopped for a latte and a scone (that's pretty citified if you ask me, I should have gotten a cup of drip and a muffin) at this cute little ma-n-pa coffee shop. The owner was working behind the counter and there were regulars perched up on stools, chatting away about happenings around town. Baby was admired and flirted with everyone. We got the coffee to go and went and sat on a bench outside. I'm not lying when I say not one car passed in that 15 minutes we were sitting. Lovely!
Further down main street, there was a farmers market. Super fresh produce and flowers from local farmers - heaven.
So, now back on the west-side, I've fought traffic back and forth to work for two days, and I'm ready to go back to the middle of nowhere. I wonder if I could really hack it, being isolated like that. I'm guessing it would get to me after a while. The grass is always greener, right? Hmmm. Eastern Washington? Okay, the sagebrush is always browner - that sounds about right!

Bad Jeans

As a child I spent several summers with my Grandma, Step-Grandpa (they have since divorced), and my cousin Amber - who is almost exactly one year older than me - in a remote cabin on Lake Couer d'Alene in Idaho. Amber and I used to have colossal fights (we've since outgrown our animosity) and I spent a lot of time being moody and sullen. One summer when I was about seven, my S.G. sat me down to talk to me about my moodiness - he, being manic-depressive, was an expert on the subject.
He sat me down to talk about depression. I don't know if he actually thought a seven-year-old could fully comprehend the concept.
The 'talk' started out with, " I was born with some bad genes." And that's all I really remember. Why? Because my seven-year-old brain was stuck on the fact he was born with JEANS. And bad ones at that - obviously not cool acid washed, pleated jeans - tight rolled, please. Yes, I was a child in the 80's. Shut up. I'm sure the speech was very heartfelt but I'll never know for sure. I got hung up on the jeans.
Where I'm going with this is that my mom and I were having a talk about traits - what I inherited from her, from my dad, other family members. We talked about how we both are pessimistic - or as we like to call it 'realistic'. It made me think about what I want to pass on to George; not that I can control these things, just a mental wish list.
I want him to have: my motivation, my love of reading, my hair (but not the premature gray). I hope he bypasses: my metabolism, my 'realistic' outlook on life, my self-doubt.
I made the mistake of saying to Brian that I hope George doesn't get his allergies, among other things. Unfortunately Brian misunderstood me for not wanting George to turn out like him - which was not my meaning. What I want is for the kid to get the best of both of us - I think that's a common wish for most parents.
Good jeans, I got 'em. Bad ones, hopefully they stay buried in the bottom of the closet!

Mommy Wars?! WTF? (F Stands for Fudge Now That I'm a Mom)

Two weeks ago I had never even heard of this term. Now I see it popping up everywhere. From what I gather through my blog hopping is that it is the tension between mothers who work in the home versus mothers who work outside of the home.
The first thing that really caught my eye and got my goat was this book called The Happy Housewife by Darla Shrine - this quote is pulled from her book and from Andrea's post on her blog-
That is why so many women stay in their careers, because they just can’t cut it. You have to be strong, confident, and selfless to give up your career, give up your identity, give up a piece of yourself—all for your family’s best interest.
Pretty inflammatory if you ask me. I mean, this quote really, REALLY bothered me. To the point I really stewed over it. Then, reading around on other's posts on the subject, I started to get angry.
What it really boils down to, for me at least, is that I would love to stay home with my child. We are just not in a financial position for this to be an option right now. And it's not about me being selfish and wanting to have an extravagant lifestyle - it's about us paying our mortgage on our modest home. So I suppose I get a little defensive when I'm informed I'm making a choice to work outside of the home .
Eventually I'd love to be at home with my children and my hope is one day that will be an option. I can't say that I'm not envious of women who get the choice. I admire the fantastic job many are doing with their kids. That said, I also think there are some women whose children would be better off in daycare...that's another post entirely!
So this whole 'mommy wars' thing - what's the deal!? If we are doing the best we can to raise healthy, intelligent, loving children, I don't see the argument or the need for the condescending comments (again, back to this Darla Shrine person). Teaching your children to be respectful and open-minded is the aim here - and I think the 'mommy-wars' battle is missing the boat. I found this the other day. Its by a work at home mom and I love her for writing it. Thank you, and thank you to all you work at home moms who are doing their thing and not being judgmental over what the rest of us have to or choose to do.

Summer in Pioneer Square

I'm peering out my window at the viaduct, scarfing some lunch (spinach salad from the dodgy downstairs deli). Let me first say, I probably have one of the best seats at work. While I work, I have a view of Elliot Bay AND the city, including the space needle. Today is absolutely spectacular.
I must say I really love the summers down here in Pioneer Square. Okay, there are some things I can do without. Like the smell of pee radiating off the hot pavement. Or the homeless guy by my parking lot who likes to forgo pants when it gets warm.
I really do think Pioneer Square gets a bad rap. I absoultely think it is unsafe down here after dark - don't get me wrong - but during the day, it's just fine. I love to stroll the three blocks down to the Elliott Bay Book Co., then hit Magic Mouse toy shop. Have bento at Imo. Pioneer Square honestly reminds me of a bigger, cooler Fairhaven. Great restaurants, unique shops, and very unique people.
I'm hearing rumors they might move our office south to the main building on 1st (the old Seattle Sears building with the huge Starbucks siren on top). I'm praying they don't. I would really miss being down here in the thick of things.