10.09.2011

Confidence

Confidence is something I'm lacking lately.

I hate to admit it, because it sounds completely shallow (and maybe it is), but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with how I'm looking since the birth of my daughter.

I feel heavy. I feel puffy. I feel unkempt. I feel like no matter what I do, I'm not going to look good. I don't want my picture taken (which is going to really stink in a few weeks when we have family pictures)...heck, I honestly don't even want to go out in public.

The way I move? I swear the only way to describe it is 'lumbering'. I am uncoordinated - more so than usual.

I see other moms who look so put together. Their hair is done in some other style than a thrown up ponytail and it isn't doing the nasty postpartum shedding thing. Their clothes are crisp and actually have waistbands that don't result in a muffin top.

They don't sweat profusely doing mundane things like grocery shopping.

They get time in the day to take care of themselves (I bet they even get to go to the BATHROOM by themselves...jerks!).

I know I have a lot to be thankful for, and believe me, I am.

I would give so much to feel good about myself again. I hate how much my physical appearance ties into how I perceive myself.

But it does. That's an unfortunate fact.

I don't remember feeling this poorly after my birth of my son. After he was born, I went back to work. Though I am thankful I have the opportunity to be a stay at home mama, there was something affirming about having a job outside of the home. I dressed up everyday. I got to speak with adults on a daily basis. My brain was used for something other than housework and playing Thomas the Tank Engine OVER AND OVER.

I guess I can't have it both ways. And if I had to choose, I guess I'd choose to be exactly where I am right now. At home with my children. I know raising them is the most important job I'll ever have.

What needs to happen is me finding a way to thrive in my current situation. And when I figure out how I'm going to do that, I'll let you know.

Right now? I'm going to figure out how to get in a LONG shower. You know, maybe I'll shave my legs AND wash my hair.

Extravagant. I know.

8 comments:

Mommy Mo said...

Yeah, this was me after having the third baby- talk about frumpy and harried and TIRED and not wanting my picture taken.

So, here's my 2 cent advice- TAKE THAT SHOWER. Let the kids cry or watch you shower or whatever, but take the damn shower and every few days, put on something other than elastic pants. Believe me, I love elastic pants and I'm wearing them right now, but it will make you feel better!

Also, call me if you want some adult conversation : ).

Love you!!!

*Lissa* said...

Well, first, I think you should shower, throw some jeans on, pack some bags and come visit me! We can have a few beers and adult conversation while the kids do their things. K?

I still struggle with this stuff and it has been over EIGHT YEARS since I have had babies. UGH.

Brooke said...

i know not of the post mommy syndrome of which you speak, but i will say that from working out it feels like my hair is constantly in a pony tail & my face is void of makeup.

i've found that putting those clip in flowers on my hair elastic makes the world of difference in how i feel. like its a pony tail on purpose instead of out of laziness. It takes 1 minute to locate and clip. Is there something simple that like, that wouldn't take you away from mommyhood but could give you a little ump?

Brooke said...

ps - elastic waist skirts are da bomb. you look put together yet they feel like jammies.

Heather said...

I feel you there sweetie! Remember recent post about too many yoga pants? Well I did what you said I put some scarves with them and you know what I got hit on while on vacation. Not that it mattered since I am married to the love of my life...but it did make me feel better. Working on my confidence no matter what I am wearing or what that damn scale says! One thing I for sure do every day is shower even if it is for 3 mins and I may have not rinsed all that conditioner out. Ok maybe I don't get to shower every day but I sure as hell try to :) xo

Roo said...

I agree a shower will do wonders and just a teeny bit of makeup. Mascara and lip gloss goes a long way to making you feel pretty. Don't get me wrong I still have plenty of days that I don't shower let alone add mascara or lip gloss and K2 is almost 4 but I TRY. What I found worked for me was setting up K1 in my bedroom with a cartoon and some trains and K2 in the bouncy seat or swing in the bathroom with me. The baby might cry. You might have to pop your head out of the shower a billion times to answer G's questions that he can only seem to remember when you're in the shower but that's ok. At least you're getting that little bit of time to yourself. Love you!

~Mendie~ said...

uh, get outta my head lady. i am feeling the same way and i find myself in amazement of how people with multiple kids can do it and then also start other projects.

i think the hardest thing for me is making time for me. thank goodness i have to leave for work everyday (blessing and a curse) so I at least have to shower daily...but between you and me, I'm still wearing maternity pants. gah.

AnnG said...

ok...so I know this is WAAAAY late but I totally understand what you are talking about. It's the entire reason I started blogging! I wanted to feel like something I was doing and saying was making a difference to someone outside my 4 walls! You are a beautiful woman, inside and out! Getting out of the house (even though that seems impossible most days) will help tremendously! And so will talking to all of us bloggers! I know it helped me more than I could imagine! Hugs!!