I was chatting with my friend Jenn this over the weekend (she is possibly going to be laid off this summer from her job of ten years - ugh - but my fingers are crossed for her) and got to thinking about what happens if I don't find a job and my unemployment runs out.
Specifically, about how I feel about contributing no money to the household.
Even now, my meager unemployment check makes me feel like I am justified in spending a little (and when I say little, I mean a little) but how will I feel when B is the only one bringing in an income? Frankly, it makes me a little uncomfortable.
We were in the situation where we were on pretty equal footing salary wise - so we do have the basic concern about how we will cover all our expenses in general. But even if bills weren't a concern, I just don't know if I'll ever feel comfortable spending money when I'm not earning money.
Yes, I know being a full time mom is a job in itself. More than a full time job. But G isn't paying me. I don't get overtime for getting up in the middle of the night. I don't get a bonus for coercing my future wrestling star (I'm not kidding, I think he may have a future in that or MMA) into a diaper at record speeds. I don't get benefits for picking up toys five times a day.
Maybe if it had been this way from the get go, where I stayed home and was a full time domestic technician, I'd feel differently. But somehow, it feels wrong to go out and purchase anything for myself when I know it's B's hard earned money.
Women have been doing this for years. Why does it feel odd to me? I love being home with G, and I do feel like it's benefiting both of us, but how do I overcome this feeling that I'm not contributing?
I've always joked about how I'd love to be a kept woman. But now that I *kind of * am, it is just bizarre.