Lists

I love lists. Nothing is more fulfilling that looking at a piece of paper with a bunch of tasks crossed off. When I was working, I used Outlook Tasks and left all my completed tasks visible so I could just bask in all that I had accomplished.

Now, all my lists are scattered all about the house. Lists of stuff to clean. Recipes to try. Groceries. Books to read. Movies to check out. BILLS TO PAY (yes, that one sucks).

Once I lived with a girl who had a personal hygiene list that she would go through when her boyfriend came to visit. Paint toenails. Check. Shave legs. Check. Bleach mustache. Check. Wax toes. Check. TRUE STORY.

I'm getting to the point that my lists end up on lists. Lists of lists to complete. It's pretty much out of hand.

And the sad thing is, I've kind of abandoned my list of goals. My last manager had me make ten year goal list for myself (yes, he was a GREAT manager). He told me that it needn't be all work related, it could be about anything. And I didn't need to show it to him. Basically an exercise to help me really grasp what was important for ME.

This was almost two years ago. Since then, I've accomplished one thing on the list - starting a family.

The rest of it was work related and hell if that didn't go all flying out the window in February.

You know what? That's okay. Because my main want, in all reality, was to be a mama. And here I am.

Don't get me wrong, I want a career. But now I know, it HAS to be something I love. Sure, I may have to find something part time sooner or later. But that will just be a job.

I never would have thought, at thirty-one, I would have absolutely no idea where I was headed career wise. I think right now, my career is my kid. As hokey and unliberated as that may sound.

As far as goals, I still think I have some. Some are lofty, some are easy. But today, I think I'm going to write them down. Put them somewhere visible.

And maybe, having that visual each day, will help keep my chin up. I still get down about being laid off. I'm still a *tiny* bit angry. But slowly I'm realizing that I was going nowhere, and now, now I have the chance to start fresh, and choose my own path.