Satan Shoes

We've been back from Vegas for almost two days now. I still don't know what day it is or where I am.

And no, it's not because I got super wasted (seriously, I didn't), or partied my ass off. No. No, everyone, it is because, officially, I am now old and boring.

There, I said it.

We were in Vegas for thirty six hours and just BEING there has completely thrown me off kilter.

I do have to cut myself a little slack - we flew out of Seattle at 6 am, which meant we had to leave our house at 3:30 am. And I couldn't get to sleep the night before till about midnight. So, we arrived in Vegas on about three hours sleep. Bad idea. Note to self - do not sleep deprive yourself BEFORE hitting the party capital of the world. Just saying.

When we arrived at our hotel (the Stratosphere, LAME, but more on that later) it was 9 am. And we were informed we could not check in till 3 pm. Six hours to kill. We left our bags with the bell desk and set off on foot to the Consumer Electronic Show. (by the way, we had to clarify WHICH convention we were in town for - there was also a huge porn awards show/convention in town - more on that later too).

The Consumer Electronics Show? SO FREAKING COOL.

LOOK:



The best part of the show, for me at least, were the 3-D televisions. Except the glasses you have to wear. They're very Buddy Holly. Which is okay, if you're Buddy Holly.

We hung at the show for a while, then walked and walked and walked. And walked. It was at this point that we decided we'd be taking taxis because walking in Vegas sucks. Outside, we had to navigate crazy traffic and a zillion pedestrian bridges - and the weather was pretty cool. Inside, we ended up walking in circles and getting hopelessly lost in the casinos.

Around 3:00 we returned to our hotel, which was at the VERY VERY END of the strip. With no free shuttle. We took a nap, had some snacks, and got ready for a night on the town.

I had picked up a great LBD before we left town and grabbed a strappy pair of silver heels out of the closet - I'd worn them in a wedding when I was pregnant, and I didn't recall them being uncomfortable...

[The shoes in question]


WRONG. Oh. My. Actual. Lord. About an hour in to walking around casinos looking for a fun place to have drinks and dinner, I was actually considering taking them off and walking around barefoot IN VEGAS where godknowswhat is on the ground. My feet hurt THAT BAD. We went to Walgreens looking for moleskin/cushions/painkillers. We dropped $30 on foot comfort paraphernalia (B's feet hurt too).

Did it work?

Heck no. Not even close. I was pretty much convinced my little toes were going to be severed by one of the straps of the Satan shoes.

Not to mention that the dress I wore must have looked like something the porn stars were wearing because we were invited to a party hosted by Ron Jeremy.

Here's the dress...I don't know. Maybe if I were wearing Lucite heels? (sorry for the photo quality - my old camera croaked and I don't have a handle on the new one yet - or maybe it's from that yard long daiquiri in the right of the shot).

Thinking back, we totally should have gone to the Ron Jeremy party. THAT would have been a story, for sure.

Anyhow, the night went on, and I was getting desperate about the imminent toe severing and or rage I was about to enter over the excruciating pain. We were walking out of the Bellagio (where we'd JUST MISSED the fountain show) when I saw it...

AN OPEN STORE. Urban Outfitters. Once inside, it was a veritable shoe mecca. I wanted to make out with the cashier who gave me a knowing nod when I rushed up to the register with a pair of flip flops and volunteered to take the tags off for me.

[The shoes sent from Heaven]


I felt like a new woman! I could have partied all night!

But instead, we played a little video poker, had some drinks, went back to the hotel and watched Zombieland (cool film, by the way).

WE ARE SO OLD AND BORING.

The next day, more CES, more video poker, and we flew home at 8 pm. We both missed our kiddo so much. He, of course, was just fine with us gone. Typical.

I wish I had some fabulous, exciting Vegas story, but hey - I'm a pretty low key gal. I can live with that.

I cannot, however, live with the lady who spread out potty pads all over the public bathroom in the airport and was trying to coax her little dog into pooping. True story. In the human bathroom. I guess it's probably necessary before a flight - but really? REALLY?

I wish I'd snapped a picture of THAT.