Reflections on Year One

My baby G turned one today. I am stunned at how quickly this first year has whizzed by. I'll admit, some days seemed inordinately long (see previous post and yes, he is sleeping again - whew!) but the weeks and months have flown.

One year ago I was lying in a hospital bed, completely doped up on morphine (I think), wearing god-awful things on my legs to make sure my circulation was good and I didn't get clots and holding my sweet little boy. Honestly, I was terrified. I had read every book I could get my hands on, and I felt so unprepared. My labor was disappointing - I felt like an utter failure for my inability to deliver naturally (by naturally I mean vaginally, not without drugs - I'm not that crazy!). They crammed me in the smallest room on the ward and I felt like everyone was crawling over me constantly. The nurses woke us up every hour or two to poke and prod.

G had a rough first week. He kept spiking a temperature - we found out later he was just dehydrated. My milk didn't come in for almost a week. Then when it did - boy did it! Poor little guy choked every time he nursed.

Eventually (and it took a while), little dude and I got into a routine. Then I had to go back to work. That was heartbreaking. I cried at the drop of a pin for week leading up to it, and for the week after I returned. But, like everything, you learn to adjust and now I think we're doing a pretty good job.

So, I like lists. Here's some of what I've learned in year one:

1. That a person can survive on very little sleep (though it is not pleasant).
2. I can go without a shower for longer than I ever thought possible.
3. That breast feeding does not 'make the baby weight melt away'.
4. That I get more excited about poop than is probably normal.
5. I can sing out loud in front of others and not be embarrassed.
6. Never leave a wee wee uncovered during diaper changing. NEVER.
7. Even if you say you will treat your pets the same after baby arrives, you won't. Trust me on this.
8. I always cry when G gets shots. I can't help it.
9. That being a mommy makes me want my mommy a lot more.
10. And this is completely cliche, but there is no love like the fierce love of a mother for her child. It is innate, primal and all consuming.

I have a lot of friends who are becoming mommies for the first time this year and also adding to their families. I am so excited for them and I can't believe what a bunch of breeders we've become. It's awesome!

So G, here's to you. You've made me a better person - I forgive easier, I love harder and I am even getting better at cleaning. I love you my little man!