A Few Notes on Facebook

My name is Heather and I'm a Facebook addict.

But over the last few years of using it, certain things have gotten under my skin. Here are a few:

* Do not post creepy, suggestive things as your status to your spouse and then go back and forth with naughty banter. That's what text messaging is for. I don't need to know how you 'can't wait for the hot tub this weekend, wink wink' or anything of the sort. I'm not kidding. You just made me throw up in my mouth.

* While I'm impressed that you pressed a button and joined a group, or cut and pasted and reposted a status about how you hate/support [fill in the blank], that doesn't mean you've actually DONE anything. Once and a while, fine, and hooray for showing support for X cause. But once in a while, it's good to put your money (or time) where your status is and actually do something. And yes, I'm completely targeting this at one person. And I'm pretty sure she doesn't read this. Whoops if she does.

* Those applications who are supposed to tell you who is looking at your profile? Yeah, pretty sure they don't work. And if they do, it's probably not something you want to know. That hot guy from college? He's not looking. The guy who wrote you lame poems that were totally copied lyrics from The Cure? More likely.

*Doppleganger week? Wishful thinking for most. I did have a friend who was dead on (ANDREA. Good call on Fairuza Balk!). I'm guilty too. I look like Elisabeth Shue...in an alternate universe.

* Please post at least ONE photo of yourself somewhere in your profile. Your shots of your kids are precious, and I really love that one of your dog dressed up like Yoda, but I like to see a face - YOUR face especially because I'm not sure I know you.

* There is this one guy who friended me over a year ago. For the life of me, I can't remember him. I have chatted with other friends who have accepted his friend request too, and they can't place him either. No photos, no identifying information. Never updates status. Why do you have a Facebook account if all you do with it is join groups/take quizzes? I'm kind of creeped out by the fact that you joined the 'I Love Morning Sex' group. That's nice. Thanks for sharing. Plus, there is no photo of you. Are you real?

* For the love of God, before you repost things about Facebook being a pay site, or that someone by the name of 'X' is really a pedophile trying to get pictures of your kids - check Snopes.com. Great site, and can really save you from looking like a jackass. Has saved MY ass many a time.

* If someone you know is pregnant (or has other personal news) - LET THEM BE THE ONE TO LET THE CAT OUT OF THE BAG. Maybe they want to wait till they're out of the first trimester. Maybe they haven't told other people in their life that will be hurt they didn't hear it directly from the source.

* Status updates about poop, pee or any other bodily function are always hilarious.

What drives you bonkers about Facebook behavior?


CraftGirlAlli said...

hahaha...this post made me laugh! I hate when people are "debbie downer" and all they ever do is post things trying to get people to feel sorry for them. And the ones that complain about everything! I just recently cleaned up my FB friends and deleted so many people!

megant599 said...

I dislike the not posting pics of myself too. It just makes people assume that you're really unhappy with how you look and they'll assume the worst :) But I want to know the etiquette on whether you are supposed to thank everyone individually if a bunch of people comment something nice. Or if you should address each comment of any sort? Ah, a whole new set of social rules to learn!

Ms. Diva said...

The best part of FB is the family squabbles!!! Love it when family go after one another publicly with no wine involved!!! Hahaha!

~Mendie~ said...

I'm so with you on the kinky status updates, we are the opposite, my hubs and I rarely leave messages at all on there.

The picture thing is annoying...just last week I got one with a pic of an old man on a horse. WTF? Only figured out who it was by a comment from his daughter saying "when was Dad on a horse?" See even she would have been confused! LOL!

Andrea said...

Any status that revolves around sex with others or especially by yourself gets you deleted from my friend list. Okay, I'll let one or two slide if I like you but if I don't really care for you that much in the first place I REALLY don't want to hear it.

I dislike people posting pictures that look like they belong on myspace. If you know what I mean. Cover up.

I also hate it when people update their status daily saying how tired or sick they are. Every day.

I don't like it when people have their twitter account and facebook linked. Especially if they tweet all day about stupid stuff.

And today I hate it when people say they "seriously" want to defriend me as a response to my status. Give me a break.

And to Megan, no idea about etiquette. I just generally stink at etiquette in general anyway...


30 Days of Fun said...

OK, I agree with all that you have to say! And here is a few more: I must say this and I can because most of none of my hubby's family will see this...I am annoyed that a few of his family, whom I have never met befriend me and pretend they know me.....ok that is annoying. Also all the games, farmville etc...seriously some of my friends are so addicted that it is annoying to see those posts constantly...OK I too am addicted to facebook, I will admit and am working on the addiction.

*Lissa* said...

Filarious!! I agree 100% with all those!

I can't stand people who are always whining in their statuses.

ellie.d said...

i think you'd appreciate STFU parents! http://stfuparents.tumblr.com/ hilarious stuff.