5.16.2010

Memoriam

This last week - no make that two weeks - have been really rough.

You may or may not know my mother in law passed away early Wednesday morning. The lead up to her passing was...God...I don't even know how to describe it. Overwhelming. Scary. Unbearably sad.

And now that's she's gone, there is a sense of relief, not because she's not with us, but because she was suffering so horribly. I had never witnessed someone dying from cancer. And it is beyond awful.

But wedged in between the sorrow, there were little glimpses of the woman we love, gifts to us, things we can look back on and smile.

Grief comes in waves. I will forget for a moment that she's gone. Then it hits again.

My mother in law loved to ride on the back of her husband's Harley and today, when I was out on my run, a pack of Harley's roared by me. I stopped, there on the side of the road, sobbing. And then, for the rest of my run, I just talked to her in my head.

Thanking her. Asking her for forgiveness for any way I'd hurt her. Telling her funny things G had said and done in the last few days. Promising her that I would take care of her family.

And I think she could hear me.

8 comments:

Andrea said...

That sounds beautiful.

megant599 said...

I've been thinking of you and your family as you are going through this. I wish there was something I could do to make it hurt less, as I'm sure you do too. We all dread having to say goodbye to a parent and I cannot imagine how I will deal with it. But it's something almost all of us will experience and I'm grateful for you sharing some of what you are thinking and going through. I think there is some solace in knowing that others have gone through it and can be o.k.

Brooke said...

i'm sorry for your family's loss

Kirsten said...

It's hard dealing with and watching someone close to you die like that. T's mom passed before we were married (back in 1997) from liver failure from hepatitis C. It can still be tough, i.e. Mother's Day. Hang in there and remember the good to help ease the pain of loss. ((hugs)) my friend.

Kara said...

I am so sorry .... my father-in-law passed away 5 years ago from cancer. Some days I still cannot believe it ...

There are no "right" words, but I didn't want to read this today and not tell you how sorry I am for your loss ...

the story of my life... said...

Oh Heather, I am so sorry. I had no idea. I know you had your struggles..but your right...you will take of your family. I lift you up in prayer. Much Love.

*Lissa* said...

Love you!

imadramamama said...

And now you have me crying.

I'm so sorry for your families loss, friend. I'm thinking of you today and every day.