Confidence

Confidence is something I'm lacking lately.

I hate to admit it, because it sounds completely shallow (and maybe it is), but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with how I'm looking since the birth of my daughter.

I feel heavy. I feel puffy. I feel unkempt. I feel like no matter what I do, I'm not going to look good. I don't want my picture taken (which is going to really stink in a few weeks when we have family pictures)...heck, I honestly don't even want to go out in public.

The way I move? I swear the only way to describe it is 'lumbering'. I am uncoordinated - more so than usual.

I see other moms who look so put together. Their hair is done in some other style than a thrown up ponytail and it isn't doing the nasty postpartum shedding thing. Their clothes are crisp and actually have waistbands that don't result in a muffin top.

They don't sweat profusely doing mundane things like grocery shopping.

They get time in the day to take care of themselves (I bet they even get to go to the BATHROOM by themselves...jerks!).

I know I have a lot to be thankful for, and believe me, I am.

I would give so much to feel good about myself again. I hate how much my physical appearance ties into how I perceive myself.

But it does. That's an unfortunate fact.

I don't remember feeling this poorly after my birth of my son. After he was born, I went back to work. Though I am thankful I have the opportunity to be a stay at home mama, there was something affirming about having a job outside of the home. I dressed up everyday. I got to speak with adults on a daily basis. My brain was used for something other than housework and playing Thomas the Tank Engine OVER AND OVER.

I guess I can't have it both ways. And if I had to choose, I guess I'd choose to be exactly where I am right now. At home with my children. I know raising them is the most important job I'll ever have.

What needs to happen is me finding a way to thrive in my current situation. And when I figure out how I'm going to do that, I'll let you know.

Right now? I'm going to figure out how to get in a LONG shower. You know, maybe I'll shave my legs AND wash my hair.

Extravagant. I know.

Happy Berfday to Me!

Thank God for Facebook because I pretty much entirely forgot today is my birthday.

I've been a wee bit busy.

But I logged on this morning and was floored by all the birthday wishes. Lots and lots of love. And yes, I cried a little. Are you surprised, really? I figure I can't listen to the radio, watch sappy commercials or any episodes of Glee or Extreme Home Makeover until my hormones stabilize.

What am I NOT teary over? Getting older. Today I'm 33. I don't want to be perpetually 29. And my early 20's? Fugeddaboutit. You couldn't pay me to do that again. Except for the sleeping in part. Yeah, that would be okay.

Right now is good. It's where I'm supposed to be, I can't imagine things differently. I don't lead a glamourous life. Things are most definitely not perfect. But I'm content. Content, for me, is way better than over the moon happy. Super happy makes me nervous. I walk around waiting for the other shoe to drop. Am I a pessimist? My preferred term is REALIST.

Today has been nice and mellow. It's sunny and beautiful outside. My husband is home and planting my vegetable garden (awesome gift, no?). Baby C had a newborn photo shoot this morning. G has been helping Daddy outside and is covered head to toe in dirt. I'm thinking we'll barbecue tonight.

To some, this may sound boring. But I think it sounds perfect.

Happy birthday to me, indeed.

Right Now

For the first time in a long time, I'm content and peaceful.

My mom is home from Alaska (she's been up there for 7 weeks) - I have a feeling that was the first piece of the puzzle. She lives an hour and a half away, but its nice to know she's THERE, you know? Plus, she has the patience of a saint with my child, who has decided to be Whiney McWhinerson as of late.

He's still cute though. I'll keep him, I think.

So my mommy is home.

My husband and I are getting along really great. Like, actually having fun together. Not that we don't generally get along, but you know, life is stressful.

I've gotten to spend some time with old friends. Ones that have known me since I was in grade school. Something about reconnecting with people that have seen all phases of your life is so soothing.

Especially if they like to laugh.

Summer is winding down. I'm sad it's coming to a close. Not that it's been the best summer...the weather has been less than ideal and I've struggled with so many ups and downs.

But like everything in life, seasons change and we start fresh.

My mother-in-law has finally been placed in her final resting place. It was excruciating for all of us to revisit that grief, but we know now she's where she wanted to be...and that is comforting. Now I hope the healing can finally begin.

The rest of this summer? I plan to soak in as much fun as possible.

Starting now.

Pat, I'd like a F for $1000.

This is probably not what my mom intended when she sent these magnets to my son.


But it pretty much sums up my week. Hoping it gets better.

Memoriam

This last week - no make that two weeks - have been really rough.

You may or may not know my mother in law passed away early Wednesday morning. The lead up to her passing was...God...I don't even know how to describe it. Overwhelming. Scary. Unbearably sad.

And now that's she's gone, there is a sense of relief, not because she's not with us, but because she was suffering so horribly. I had never witnessed someone dying from cancer. And it is beyond awful.

But wedged in between the sorrow, there were little glimpses of the woman we love, gifts to us, things we can look back on and smile.

Grief comes in waves. I will forget for a moment that she's gone. Then it hits again.

My mother in law loved to ride on the back of her husband's Harley and today, when I was out on my run, a pack of Harley's roared by me. I stopped, there on the side of the road, sobbing. And then, for the rest of my run, I just talked to her in my head.

Thanking her. Asking her for forgiveness for any way I'd hurt her. Telling her funny things G had said and done in the last few days. Promising her that I would take care of her family.

And I think she could hear me.

Here I Am

One year ago today, I was laid off.

I won't lie and say I knew it was coming, because I didn't. I knew it was a possibility, but I also knew that my job was between me and another person - and logically, I was the better choice to stay. I was better at the job. I had a better attitude. Period.

She also knew I was the right person to stay. After I covered her to go on a month long vacation (which meant I couldn't use my vacation days - so they were forfeited upon my termination. NICE.), she spent the last month before I was laid off looking for jobs. While she was at work. While I covered everything else. While I trained someone new that was brought in from another region so they could go back and do their job effectively. I listened to her whine every day about the lay offs. I stayed positive and did my job. It wasn't just a job to me, either, by the way. I truly enjoyed it - I felt like I had actually found a career where I could grow.

How naive. Seriously.

I should have kept my job, but that's not the way things worked out. I have since found out there was nothing I could do to keep my job.

Certain things I didn't want to believe about the company I had (HAD) so much respect for turned out to be true.

For a long time, I was really angry. REALLY ANGRY. Okay, I was sad first. Then I felt rejected. Then angry.

I slowly started to feel normal and actually relish being a stay at home mom. I won't lie and say I didn't (don't)miss my income. Being supported by someone else takes some getting used to. As does going days without real adult conversation. Though Thomas the Train and Diego and saying 'no' ten thousand times a day is lovely, the urge to talk about something other than kid stuff is still there.
Which led me to make several new friends - here - of all places. If you can't get out and meet people, I say bring them to you - via the internets.

Summer was amazing. It was the first summer since I was a kid that I remember playing outside every sunny day. Going to the beach. Gardening.

Then, at the end of summer, life happened, in a bad way, in a cancer way, and everything that had made me feel so hopeless and rejected all of the sudden seemed minuscule.

How I embrace my life and what I have been given has greatly changed. Priorities have shifted.

Things I thought I understood,ideals I'd embraced, definitions of normal - all those things have been obliterated. Some in a good way, some in ways that are so ugly and disturbing that getting my head round them has been difficult.

But. Here I am. One year later. February 11, 2009, I sobbed hysterically. Asked myself why. Sat in the dark and worried.

Today? I don't even think I'd cry about losing that job. There has been a tremendous shift, I have been forced to be an adult - REALLY be an adult. Not just a girl posing as one.

Share the Happy!

Aw, shucks! My darling Lissa over at Whooo's That Girl tagged me with this sweet award! And, she doesn't know it (till now) but I owe her big time, cause it gave me something to write about today. Muah!

So, here are the instructions:

1. Copy the image and display it on your blog.
2. List 10 things that make you happy.
3. Try to do at least one of them today.
4. Pass on the award to 10 bloggers who brighten your day.

What makes ME happy?

Coffee. I know it's probably a caffeine addiction, but I can't sub soda or tea for my beloved coffee. So maybe it really IS the way it tastes. The way it smells. How my temperamental coffee pot grumbles to life as it brews that sweet, sweet nectar...

Farmers Markets. Probably because they coincide with spring and summertime. And the best part of autumn. All the colors and smells. Getting to eat produce that's actually local and in season, rather than imported from places I'll probably never even go in my lifetime (not that I wouldn't go to Chile, but I'm not sure the opportunity will ever present itself).

Footie Jammies. ON CHILDREN ONLY (don't get me started on the creepiness of adults in footie jammies. And if you wear them, sorry. But it's creepy! More so on guys. Ok, rant over). There is nothing more snuggly than a baby or small child in footie jammies.

Soup. There is something super comforting about having a huge pot of soup simmering on the stove top. I love making a ton so I always have soup in the freezer. It's a go-to meal for me. When I feel like I've overindulged throughout the day, when I'm chilly, when I'm down in the dumps. Soup is healing. I'm convinced.

Little Kid Voices. I love listening to my son talk to himself in his crib, sing songs read himself books, or say 'Watchu doin', Mommy?' I'm relishing it now, before it turns into marathon whining. He's so sing-songy right now. Love it.

Reading in the Bath. Two of my favorite things, combined. Especially after a hard run. Hot bath, lavendar essential oil, tea or water and a good book or magazine. I find it's the only time I really read - if I'm in bed, I'm either passed out or watching Roseanne reruns (Nick at Night, holla!) and if I'm in the living room I'm on the computer or reading No No Yes Yes to my son for the 500th time.

Extreme weather. Okay, not weather that puts anyone in danger...but if it snows, I want it to be DEEP and stick for a while. I want to be stuck at the house. If it rains, I want a torrential downpour. If there's a river to watch flood, count me in...and I'm not dumb enough to actually drive through the water acros the roadway. I just like to watch it. If it's sunny, I want the sky to be perfectly blue and the temperature to be over 80. I want to complain about how hot it is then miss that heat when the weather turns gray and nasty. Wind? As long as there aren't any huge trees to fall on my house, bring it on. I don't even mind if the power goes out...we can cook in the fireplace!

Music. Life needs a soundtrack. That is all.

My family and friends. Without them, I'm lost. My husband keeps me grounded, and loves me when I'm not doing a very good job loving myself. My son is truly the light of my life. The rest of my family, my friends...well, I keep them around for a reason! They're amazing.

A clean, organized house. This is aspirational for me, to have both. But, some days, when I manage to pick up all the Hot Wheels and Legos, vacuum, bleach the kitchen and bathroom and wash and fold and put away all the laundry? I love those days. My house is never perfect, or even close to it, but my version of clean works for me.

And now to share the happy - I'm passing this award on to ten bloggers who make ME happy!

• Andrea at The Train to Crazy
• Tiffiny at The Story of My Life
• Ann at She's Gonna Blow!
• Thea at I'm a Drama Mama
• Lisa at Growing Up Mo
• April at Did That Just Happen?
• Allison at Gifts from the Heart
• Jamie at Not Just An Ordinary Girl
• Jenn at Have you Hurd?
• Liz at 30 Days of Fun

Have fun, ladies!

All is Calm

Christmas package shipped? Check. (Yes, I lied. Actually, they didn't even ask me if anything was hazardous as I had a crazy monkey child swinging from my arms).

Dark chocolate truffles with sea salt made? Check. Need to give them away, promptly.

Bailey's on ice? Check. I forgot how delicious this stuff is. Num.

Tree decorated? Check. Though half the ribbon has been pulled off courtesy of G-Rex. Gives it character.

Babysitter booked for tomorrow so the hubs and I can have a shopping/dinner date? Check! My father and step-mother in law will be arriving at three so we can do some damage at Toys r' Us. I think we're more excited about going to play than we are about our quiet dinner. I LOVE Toys r' Us. Love.

Good book and cozy jammies? Check. I'm finally getting around to reading The Angels Game by Carlos Ruiz Zafon. I'm only about 50 pages in and it is already delicious. He is a beautiful writer, smoky, mysterious, heady. If you haven't read him, you must. Start with The Shadow of the Wind. Ah-maz-ing.

Tonight, I'm good. Totally content. Now, if I can win my Fantasy Football match this week, I'll be one very happy girl. Fingers crossed.

Ball? Ball?

Things have been kind of topsy-turvy around here lately. Our current normal is not our usual normal.

But some things never change.



A ball and a dog. I lament how stupid Carl is sometimes. But to be so unabashedly happy about a game of catch? Pretty sweet.

Something else that is real about this picture? The state of our backyard...toys everywhere. Oy.

For more real life, take a jaunt over to I Should Be Folding Laundry and check out some more You Capture posts.

Life's a Garden

Dig it.

For more free for all You Capture, jump on over to I Should Be Folding Laundry.

Finally, Some Good News

I'm laying on the couch today. I feel like I'm dying - okay, not DYING. But I feel terrible. Fever, chills, aches, and the worst headache I've ever had.

So much for the Tamiflu, right? I took my last dose yesterday morning, and by 7 pm, I was running a fever of 102.

WHAT?

The phone rang about half an hour ago and the caller I.D. said 'The Home Depot'. We've been talking a lot with a very nice manager there who has been very pleasant. That said, I feel like crap and the last thing I wanted to do was talk about how we're going to collections.

But, I picked up, and I'm glad I did. Home Depot has decided to honor the additional insurance contract - so we now owe them nothing AND are no longer the proud owners of a busted chipper.

Whoopee!

Thank you Home Depot for doing the right thing. It may be a small thing on your end, but to us, it's means so much. So, again, thank you.

Easy Like Sunday Afternoon

Today I had grand plans.

As in, I planned to get out of the house by myself for an hour or two. Groceries. A trip to the mall to see how tragically out of style I am. A latte (eggnog is back, curses). Maybe a pedicure.

And, as is normal with a 'free' day, here it is, 4 pm, and I've not left the house - once. Whoops.

But, the house is clean, the child is napping.

I watched my football team get their asses handed to them. Nice one, Seahawks. I'm crying inside, for reals.

I picked a zillion green tomatoes that refused to ripen and now, being the frugalista that I am (I hate letting things go to waste), I'm looking all over for recipes - I'm thinking pickles - for the actual green tomatoes, or maybe some magical way to ripen them.

Most likely, as with my other best laid plans, I'll forget about them outside and will discover green tomato compost sludge next March.

Yes, I have many grand plans. My home is the land of unfinished projects and abandoned hobbies.

Cause to be honest, most of the time, I end up playing an hour of Bejeweled, then run around the house frantically trying to at least pick up and get some dishes done before nap time is over.

Do I wish I were more efficient, that I made the most of my free time? YES. But, you know what? It's MY free time. So I guess I can waste it if I want.

And I could whine and say there's just not enough hours in the day. But if there were, I'd probably waste them too.

Gift

Since deciding my mother in law would stay with us for the duration of her cancer treatment (chemotherapy and radiation), I've gotten two reactions:

1) What a kind thing to do!

or

2) You are crazy. Do you know how this will affect your marriage?

And to be honest, I'm not entirely comfortable with either reaction.

As far as caring for a sick family member, I don't think that it is above and beyond. It is simply the right thing to do. We have room, I am not currently working, and IT IS THE RIGHT THING TO DO.

The end.

The second reaction? Well, it kind of scares me. Why? Because of course I've had the same thought. Things like money put stress on a marriage. A HEALTHY family member living with you puts stress on a marriage. Truly, caring for an unwell person in your home is a HUGE TEST. On anyone.

Treatment started Monday. It's super intense for about six weeks. So far, spirits have been high and we haven't seen any adverse effects.

But I'm realistic. I know they are coming. She is scared. We all are. Of what comes next. Of what doesn't.

A few weeks ago, I was discussing this with my stepmother-in-law. She went through a similar situation about five years ago.

This is what she said:

"Even in all the sadness, there are so many gifts to be had during these times."

Every single second my mother in law is here, I know more and more she is right. The gift of each story she tells us of her life. Watching her read to my son on the couch in his jammies with his hair still damp from his bath. Going through her treasured jewelry box and hearing the story of how each piece came to her. Seeing my husband so gentle and kind with his mother.

All these things, they are gifts. There is so much love. There is so much hope.

I just had to look.

Made It.

I wanted to say something about Father's Day yesterday, but darn it all if I just couldn't force my brain into writing mode, much less my fingers into typing mode.

I was so tired last night I actually sat and watched one of the crappiest movies I've ever seen. Babylon A.D. Sorry Vin Diesel, but you owe me an hour and a half of my life back.

Our extended house guests left at about 10 am yesterday. That left me with about 5 hours to re-clean the house and cook before our second wave of guests arrived for Father's Day.

Suffice it to say, at 2:50 I was on my hands and knees on the kitchen floor wiping it down by hand because for some reason I thought that would be quicker than mopping. It wasn't. Duh.

Luckily I had chosen uncomplicated food (barbecued hamburgers) so the rest of the afternoon was pretty smooth. And I am blessed with a helpful sister-in-law and step-mother-in-law who actually help with cleanup. God bless 'em. Because if I had to do one more kitchen cleanup by myself this week, I'd probably be in the mental ward this morning.

I am so pleased I even made it through this entire weekend. I'm such a baby. I don't know why I find things like house guests so stressful.

All in all, I think Father's Day went well. I think B had a good time. It was the first Father's Day he's spent with his Dad in years. Seeing B's Dad running around with his grandkids was fabulous. He just radiates happiness when he's with them.

So, this week's goal is to get back into a schedule. Poor G is teething AGAIN and is just struggling. He needs some structure. I need it too.

And then, hopefully, I can write about something other than losing my mind.

Fresh

Better today, thank goodness.

I've been feeling like a bit of a downer. Today, I focused on being more positive. Actually, I started making a conscious effort last night.

My in laws came over and watched G last night while we went to the Mariner's game. Can I just say how much joy it brings me to see B's dad dote on my child? It's awesome. B and his dad haven't had much of a relationship for years, but over the last year, there's been a lot of healing.

It is so wonderful how a child can bring a family together, mend fences, build bridges. All those things.

So B and I were able to enjoy and evening at the ballpark, child free. We kept on asking each other - how would G be if he were here right now. Then we'd laugh together, and agree, he'd be CRAZY.

The roof was closed on the ballpark last night, but it wasn't cold. You could feel the moisture in the air and it just smelled fresh. At a ballpark. Funny. I'm guessing because it hasn't rained here in ages. We needed a cleansing rain.

Sometimes a little rain can help to wash away life's troubles and worries.

And it made me worry less about the fact my house looks like it was the site of a demolition derby.

When we arrived at home last night, we were regaled with all the genius things our child did while we were away (I'm wasn't joking - they called him a perfect angel. heh.). G was up, but not crazy tired, and went down for me easily, but not before jabbering on for a few minutes as I rocked and nursed him, about his night with his Grandpa.

Day started out rough, but ended just right.

Love it when that happens.

Normal (My Version)

Today was my last day as a mama of two. Well, surrogate mama of one, real mama of one.

I just took the extra car seat base out of my car. Packed up all the little baby toys. The baby recliner (bouncy seat) is back precariously perched in the eaves of the garage.

The moby wrap is in the washer. The bottle warmer is boxed up and shoved to a back kitchen shelf.

Tomorrow, it's back to me and G-man. We're going to Stroller Strides in the morning and then decorating a Father's Day craft in the park.

G gets Mama all to himself.

Since we've had an extra babe around, he has started pulling on my shirt and saying 'nurse'. He's kissing B and I on the lips and giving lots of hugs. He's talking up a a storm.

My little baby is...not a baby at all anymore.

The number one question I've been getting the last few weeks is: SO, ARE YOU READY FOR NUMBER TWO?

And I have a few answers:

1) EFF NO.
2) Are you talking about poop?
2) Sure, if you'll pay for my health insurance or lend - no GIVE, I don't want a loan - me the $20,000 so I can pay out of pocket for all my prenatal care and my C-Section. No, I am never attempting a VBAC. Sorry. NEVER.
3) HELL NO.

It's not that Baby E was difficult, but having more than one doesn't just double the work. It's multiplies it by a thousand. Not only are there the physical needs to contend with, there are the emotional ones as well, and the guilt that one child is not getting enough attention/love/nurturing.

Will we EVER have another? Of course. Just not right this second.

Unless you really do want to insure me. Or write me a check for 20k. Then I'll reconsider.

As the Stroller Rolls

So guess what?

I got a new stroller. Well, technically, it's being shipped right now.

This is it.

I was a little disappointed I didn't get the BOB I asked for on my birthday, but good things come to those who wait. I got a SMOKIN' HOT DEAL on this bad boy at Costco.com. I couldn't' believe they were carrying Phil & Teds. And I think I will like it better than the BOB. It comes with the double attachment too. Anyhow, it's totally AWESOME, I'm totally excited, and every time UPS rolls by by heart leaps a little.

Funny how I used to feel this way about shoes and handbags, now it's all about the baby gear.

So now my mission is to sell two of our other strollers. I already had a jogger, which was aiiight, but not great; an umbrella, which I never use and is a little too girly for my taste; and the one that came with our infant seat - which I'm keeping to have the complete set.

I posted the first two strollers on Craigslist yesterday. And the jogger has sold. Yay!

But for some reason, this nut keeps emailing me about the umbrella, asking me to come down in price. I agreed to come down $10. But this person (I can't tell if they are male or female) is relentless.

Plus, THEY ALWAYS TYPE IN ALL CAPS.

They are yelling at me. I don't like it.

I am just about to email them back and tell them if I wanted to give the stroller away, it would be in the free section. I'm done haggling. DONE.

This is my first experience selling on Craigslist. Honestly? It's kind of freaking me out. What about no, I will not come down on price, is difficult to understand? And the anger? Why get mad at me when I say no? It is not a personal affront. It's my stroller, my decision!

Hmmmph.

Wish List

Five a.m. wake up call and I'm feeling a bit surly today. On top of that, I made the decision to spare both G and I the screaming, crying mess he would become if I forced him to go to Stroller Strides this morning.

So no workout, no sleep, and I'm slightly irritable. Okay, slightly is an understatement.

But I'm dealing. I know that someday, like when G is out of the house, I will eventually catch up on sleep, cleaning, bills and the like.

And speaking of time passing, tomorrow is my birthday. Thirty-one. How did that happen?

In honor of my birthday, and to make myself feel better, I am going to just list out what my dream gifts would be. This is purely an exercise in imagination, as we just dropped nearly a grand on our 1.5 year old car (thanks again, Ford!). And I'm going to indulge myself with bullet points, because I love a good list with bullet points. It's the type A in me, what can I say?

So here it is: Heather's Ultimate Birthday List.

- A jogging stroller. I was really interested in the BOB Revolution, but am now also interested in the Phil & Teds Dash. I like how it converts with an attachment to a double - NO, I'm not pregnant, just thinking ahead - and is so streamlined.

- A new camera. I love my little Canon point and shoot, but am ready for a big girl camera. A Digital SLR. I've been looking at the Nikons, though I've only ever owned an Olympus or Canon.

- A spa day. Not just an hour or two (though I'd take that, willingly), but a WHOLE FREAKING DAY. It would be heaven to just be pampered for a day. I can't even imagine!

- Someone cleaning my house other than me. Even better than that, one of those professional organizing services that come in and take away all your excess crap. If I was any good at organization, I'd start up my own organizing service - do you know how much they charge? It's crazy!

- A trip to Santorini, and I'd like to stay here (or somewhere like it) please.

- A shopping spree at Boden. Or, I'd just settle for this dress. It's called the Sassy Jersey Dress - I mean, come on. It's meant to be mine!

- These sandals. Because how cute are they? And they're pink.

- Books, books, books! I'm tempted to pre-order The Angels Game - if you've never read Carlos Ruiz Zafon, do yourself a favor. His other book, The Shadow of the Wind, is one of my all time favorites. A-MAZ-ING.

Wow. I DO feel better. It's amazing what some fantasy retail therapy can do for one's psyche!

That said, I know that I am lucky to have what I have. Seriously. And I am thankful. But it is so fun to just drool sometimes!

What's on your wish list?

Simple But Perfect

I got to sleep in this morning.

Did you hear that world? I SLEPT PAST 6 A.M. And I feel like a million bucks.

That was my first present for Mother's Day. The second, which I think is probably my favorite, was eavesdropping through the baby monitor as B pulled G from his crib.

A wee one year old's voice tinkling 'Hi Daddeeee!'. It's so delicious.

I lay there, savoring their sweet conversation as I drifted back to sleep.

Perfect. I really could not ask for anything more.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

I Have A Stroller & Am Not Afraid to Use It.

One of my oldest friends, Bethany, and I met up at the mall yesterday.

We've been trying to meet up fairly regularly now that she's out on maternity leave. Her little dude is just three months old. G likes to point at him and scream 'BeeeeBeee!' He also likes to grab his chubby cheeks and try poke out his eyes. Yes, we're still working on gentle. It's not quite sinking in.

I cannot stress how important it is to try to get out of the house when you have a small infant. I WISH someone would have told me to get out of the maternity sweats, wash your face and put on some mascara. We're going out!

And it really doesn't matter where. Just getting out of the cocoon is the point.

Bethany is doing much better than I did. I literally would not leave my house for a week at a time. I wouldn't go so far as to say I had Postpartum Depression. I'd call it Postpartum 'there is no way I'm leaving this house while I'm leaking milk, breaking out, carrying 40 pounds of residual baby weight with an infant who won't stop screaming and hates being in the car seat.' Yeah, that about sums it up.

Suffice it to say I'm happy she's doing so well.

So there we were, navigating our strollers around the mall on a Friday afternoon. It's fascinating to me how many people are at the mall on weekdays. I mean, now I'm one of them. But back when I was working full time I thought the malls were deserted during the work week. Not so.

I really wanted to find eyebrow scissors (I'm teaching myself to groom my own eyebrows - possibly a recipe for disaster), so we popped into Sephora.

In my former, child-unencumbered life, Sephora was like my idea of Heaven. Stuff to sniff, crazy awesome make-up, products I didn't know I needed but suddenly would die without. It's like a crack den for a product junkie.

I have come to realize, though, that apparently Sephora (and many other retailers) don't want mothers of infants to purchase their wares.

Why this conclusion? Because they make their aisles so small, there is no possible way to get a stroller through. It was like bumper strollers.

We finally found the eyebrow scissors, which I decided were a little expensive for my taste ($18 for tiny little scissors I'll probably lose... no thanks!). They were CONVENIENTLY located in the back of the store.

After again bumping every single object in my path, I was nearly out the entrance. The only thing in my way were two teenage girls, doing their makeup for free, literally hanging out of their shorts that required bikini waxes.

'Excuse me.'

'EXCUSE me.'

'EXCUSE ME!'

Three times I asked. Three times ignored.

So I proceeded to steer the mammoth stroller directly towards them.

And they moved.

I looked over to Bethany who I've know since we were 12. 'Were we ever like that?'

'No way.'

And we laughed. Because we totally were.