Frolic!

My cousin and her family are up this week from California. My grandmother lives right on the 'beach' (mudflats). While a lot of people think mudflats are kind of gross, they are PERFECT kid beaches. Sand forever, not a lot to hurt your feet on, and the water (when you finally reach it) is nice and warm.

We got in some great playtime.






On the way home, G said 'I had a great day today.'

We did. We really did.

For more play, jump on over to I Should Be Folding Laundry for You Capture.

Shrinking Jeans Olympics

Today marks the start of the most revered, gut wrenching sports event in the world. Yes, the Olympics...THE SHRINKING JEANS OLYMPICS.

We just wrapped up our Rethink Your Shrink challenge (bye bye five pounds and HELLO to normal BMI!) and during the next two week, we will test our athletic prowess (and yes, we're totally doing Wii Fit Hula Hoop) in many feats of strength and endurance.

This mini challenge is open to everybody! If you've never joined us for a challenge, this is the perfect time to hop on board. You can participate in all events, or just a few. You are driving your own bus.

So, head on over to The 'hood (You haven't joined? Dude. It's free. DO IT.) and sign up for some events - and for a broader outline of how this mini challenge works, read this.

Today, I am participating in both the Three Mile Run and the Wii Fit Hula Hoop. So, I need to get going! I hope you take the chance to go check out this super fun challenge...and join in!

Like, Totally

We're working on his 80's vocabulary.


He already knows AWESOME! And GRODY!

Next up? I'm thinking gnarly...

Smells Like Teen Spirit (Or Maybe Just Drakkar and Sweat Socks)

Friday mornings at Stroller Strides we have music for our workout. It was great - it is so much easier to be in searing pain from squats when you have a soundtrack.

And it wasn't just any music. No.

It was the music of my early adolescence. Nothing could possibly take me back to awkward (and usually ending in tears) junior high dances like C&C Music Factory. You know. EVERYBODY DANCE NOW!

Junior high dances - damn. Who came up with that idea? Was it supposed to be some kind social conditioning to prepare us for the rejection and disappointment of adult life? Maybe the adults in charge were just sick individuals who reveled in pubescent drama.

Our dances were held in the school gymnasium. It was an old building, I think built in the 20's. And let me tell you, what a stench. Years and years of accumulated nervous acne ridden teenage boy sweat, the reek of cafeteria food that probably wasn't fit for a prison. Asbestos (I'm not kidding, I think there was an asbestos issue), old books, and lest I forget, really bad drugstore perfume/body spray. I rocked the Loves Baby Soft. Hollah!

Junior High dances probably all look much the same. Boys lined up on one side, girls on the other, till some couple goes out on the dance floor. And it was usually the BAD kids, the ones the chaperone's had to unglue, ones that were grinding all over each other, then sneaking off under the bleachers to make out.

Okay, yes, I was probably jealous. I had a little bit of an awkward stage. There was no grinding for me...sigh...

Eventually, most everyone would make it out to the dance floor. Hilarity ensued, namely, the running man, the roger rabbit, and someone doing the worm across the floor while everyone formed a circle and clapped madly. One guy even did the Russian kicks from Saturday Night Fever. And he was GOOD at it.

And then the torture. The dreaded slow dances.* Did I get asked to dance? Sometimes. But God forbid it was with someone I wasn't that into (and it usually was, because my crushes didn't know I existed), especially if they played the extended version of November Rain or Everything I Do I Do it For You. Especially awkward if you try to break away at the radio edit ending only to be pulled back in for the overly long ending. Ugh.

Then, the dance would end, and there I was, yet another dance down and no boyfriend. For some reason I thought I would magically be asked to 'go out' at a dance. I blame it on the movies of the 80's. Because no one, I mean NO ONE, can have a realistic outlook on romance when your points of reference are Lloyd Dobler and Jake Ryan.

We'd all go home, or to a slumber party, and painstakingly relive the evening's (or late afternoon's) events. She stuck her tongue in his mouth?! Did you hear he was caught drinking BEER in the bathroom!? OMG so-and-so is so HOT! We should call him and hang up like 50 times - God bless the days before caller ID. Truly.

And then we'd go to bed, claiming that the dance was oh so lame, but secretly counting the days till the next one.

HAMMER TIME!

*I had a friend in college who used to DJ, and he called his slow set 'The Erection Session'. Nice.

You Capture: Week 10 - JOY!

What is joy?

Right now, it's hanging out in the backyard with my best bud.

Today, he learned how to throw the ball for the dogs - which for them...well, its complete and utter JOY!



I tried for a self portrait in the grass, but our dog Sadie kind of got in the way. But I really love the way it turned out. Slobbery. Both the kid and the dog...



There's more joy to be had over at I Should Be Folding Laundry!

Signs of Summer

Okay, I know it's only April, but it is absolutely gorgeous out today. So I'm thinking summer! And nothing says SUMMER like drinking from the hose.



G taught himself this new trick today. He says 'WAH-TER?' and then makes the big 'AHHHHHhhhhhh' sound after a few slurps.

Let Them Eat Cake!

I went to my dear friend Stacie's baby shower this last Saturday. It was wonderful to catch up with a whole bunch of friends I haven't seen in quite some time. And so many of them are pregnant!

Towards the end of the shower, I look over to the food table and THEY'RE ALL EATING CAKE. It was only the pregnant ones, and it was priceless.

I had to take a picture. Thanks ladies for humoring me!



Aren't they beautiful? From left, Tosha(due in June), Stacie (due in May), Tara (due in July) and Rachel (due in April).

Oh yeah, they're all having GIRLS. G will have lots of girlfriends to choose from in a few years!

Dooce In the Hizzay!

My wonderful B watched the kiddo last night and I got to go to see Heather Armstrong (aka Dooce) speak.
IT. WAS. FREAKING. AWESOME.
I wasn't really sure what to expect. A few people sitting around a corner of a small bookstore?
Uh, no. First of all, the bookstore was huge. I'm pretty sure it's an old grocery store. About a quarter of if it is the actual store, and then there is a stage with a bunch of area for seating/dancing/whatever, and then there were a few places to eat - even a barbecue place. Huh? The bookstore is called Third Place Books, and I will definitely be going back. Locally owned and lots of author readings.
I pulled in the parking lot and it was packed. I found what I seriously think may have been the last spot and pulled in.
As I was walking up to the store, a little blue Subaru (the Washington state car, dontcha know) pulled up right in front.
And out steps Heather Armstrong.
First impressions? She's really tall (I'd say at least six feet in heels), does not look pregnant at all except for her bump, and is gorgeous. The photos on her site don't do justice.
I held the bookstore door open for her she was very gracious.
At this point I decided to go buy my book and find a seat. I didn't want to be TOO big a stalker. The place was buzzing like we were expecting a rock star. And the crowd was so diverse! There were people of all ages - women quietly knitting, total sorority girls (right behind me, OMG OMG OMG), a gay couple. I was so impressed how far reaching Dooce.com has become. Pretty amazing for a blog.
Heather (can I call her Heather) read a few passages from her new book - It Sucked and Then I Cried - and then read an archived blog post from a time she visited the Pacific Northwest. And it was about farting in public bathrooms. We were all shrieking with laughter. A question and answer period ensued, which included a ton of people basically plugging their own blogs (is that couth?) - but the best one was a woman who made her a gift. A gift she figured only Dooce would appreciate - a leather vagina purse. Go Seattle go!
I anticipated a huge line for the book signing, so I followed the lead of the guys sitting by me to get in line early.

And here's me getting my book signed! I was so very pleasantly surprised how warm and affable she was in person. And how chunky I look next to a PREGNANT woman! Damn. Oh well.

Blog Party 2009 - Woot! Woot!

Hello out there!

5 Minutes for Mom is having a Blog Party and I'm joining in...

What does Mama Sass bring to a Blog Party? Food - check. Definitely embarrassing stories. A little venting...okay, a LOT of venting. And most of the time, the most random thoughts you'll run across. My blog quite simply has an identity crisis. It's a cornucopia of stuff, and some days, I actually even surprise myself!

One other thing I need to point out - my web address is http://thesassymama.blogspot.com and the actual title of my blog is Mama Sass. Why doesn't my web address match? Simply put, mamasass.com could very well be mistaken for a site that caters to people who enjoy MILF's with large behinds. See where I'm going with this? Yeah. Not nice.

I've been blogging for almost 10 months and have picked up momentum now that I am no longer employed. This lack of employment is not by choice, but by layoff, and yes, I'm bitter. But it makes for some pretty interesting reading from time to time.

I have been married for four and a half years to my husband, B, and we have a super energetic and adorable one year old son, G. We also house a zoo of 'domestic' animals at our house - two dogs and two and a half cats - one only shows up weekly to eat. I've lived my entire life in the soggy Pacific Northwest, taking only a yearlong breather to live in the UK where I studied literature. I love to read, check out new music, and am addicted to reality tv, the trashier, the better. That's me in a nutshell.

I honestly have no idea how many people read my blog but I do know that a post I wrote mentioning Neil Diamond last week got me the most hits I've ever had in one day.

So, if you're here for the first time, welcome and thank you for taking the time to read. Please stop in from time to time, and please let me know you've been by in the comment section!

Mini Rock Stars

I'm a little late to the Rock Band party, but tonight I played it for the first time with my niece and nephew. They stuck me on drums - probably better than listening to me sing.
My niece, K, is 6 1/2, stuck right in the middle of the Hannah Montana/High School Musical Juggernaut. She's cute as a button and miniature. She can still fit into 18 month skirts, though they are a bit obscene.
P, the nephew, is 11, and is entering the 'my family is embarrassing' stage. And we all know it's all going to get worse from here. We will all be hideously uncool in his eyes for at least 7 more years.
But, to my great surprise, they both tolerated their dorky aunt playing in the band.
P took the the guitar, and started in on the trash talk - he informed me he'd be playing at the hard level. But I should start at easy. Always nice to be put in your place by a preteen.
K was our singer. For a six year old, the kid's got swagger. She took her place at the front and started immediately on the tush wiggling.
First song, P's choice: Hungry Like the Wolf. Nothing like a little Duran Duran (I love you Simon LeBon!) to get things started. I tried desperately to keep up, but that drums on that song are not easy! I pretended to know what I was doing and even tried to do a few spins with the stick. Yes, I'm a dork.
Next song, the classic, Eye of the Tiger. Now, this was a song I could handle. Basic beat, nothing fancy. I was starting to get the hang of this!
And finally, the last song, a surprising choice for a couple of kids - Man in the Box by Alice in Chains. I love Alice in Chains, they're probably one of my favorite (don't slap me for saying this) grunge bands. But they're a little dark for little kids - or so I thought.
K struts up to the tv and starts - woaah oh oh woooah oh oh oh, oh oh oh. Or something like that. Luckily the lyrics were cleaned up a bit - there are a few naughty words.
And then the chorus - FEEEED MY EYES, JEEEESSSSUUSSS CHRIIIIST! Oh. My. Goodness. I could have died.
We made it through the song, and then it happened. P struck the final chord and K jumped up in the air, did a scissor kick and landed in the splits.
I think we're in trouble.

In Times Like These...

Let's face it. Things kind of suck right now. I'm possibly staring down the barrel of unemployment, I can hardly turn on the news and SOME CHICK IN CALIFORNIA WHO ALREADY HAD SIX KIDS HAD IN VITRO AND HAD 8 MORE. The world is crazy.

So, some days I need to blow off some steam. Here are a few of my favorite sites that get me laughing out loud. You know, they say it's the best medicine. Laughter that is. I love cliches.

Passive Aggressive Notes - makes me feel like I'm back in college.
Totally Looks Like - high-larious and also very creative at times.
Go Fug Yourself - because it's fun to laugh at celebrities.
The Onion - an oldie but a goodie. For those of use who AREN'T SARCASTIC AT ALL.

Anybody else have any sites they turn to when they need a little chuckle - or uproarious laughter?

I'm Not Wearing Bifocals - Yet.

Do you remember how old 30 used to seem? I'm pretty sure for a few years I even convinced myself I would NEVER be 30. That theory is now shot.

I was chatting with some friends the other day and we were recounting the first time we felt old - not just 'oh, it's my birthday, I'm so old', but an actual event that reminded us we are no longer kids.

For me, it happened probably two years ago. I was with one of my girlfriends whom I've known since we were twelve. I was living in Bellingham at the time and had come down to visit her in Seattle. We'd gone out for dinner and decided that we would go home and make cocktails and watch movies.

We were close to University Village (which is right next to the University of Washington) so we decided to hit the liquor store there. It was a Friday night and pretty busy (unsurprisingly). We got our supplies to make some cosmos and checked out. Out in the parking lot next to our car, we noticed a couple of guys loading something like 30 cases of beer into the back of a truck.

Being friendly (and amused), one of us, and I'm not sure who, said 'Whoa, looks like some party!'

It became silent. I mean, they literally said nothing. They quickly loaded the rest of their booze, jumped in the truck and all but peeled out of the parking lot.

We stood there, somewhat stunned for a few seconds. Then we doubled over into uncontrollable fits of laughter.

We were creepy older women! When did that happen? Did they think we wanted an invite to their soiree? It was a hilarious yet bittersweet realization - we were no longer in that peer group.

When did you first feel old? Or have you been lucky enough to avoid it thus far?

Diggin' the Duggars

I've obviously had a little going on, because I never got around to mentioning that the Duggar's had their 18th child on December 18th. Yes, her name starts with a J (Jordyn-Grace). Notably, she was born via C-Section. I would think that the 18th child would literally just walk out.
So I'm wondering if Michelle and Jim Bob are expecting yet again. It's inevitable, right? I can't even imagine being pregnant for about 14 years (17 pregnancies - 1 set of twins). Ugh. UGH!
Anyhow, I was on their site and they have a whole section of recipes. If you are very into canned condensed soup (mushroom, chicken, etc) I highly recommend it.
I also learned what Bragg's Liquid Amino is - it sounded like something you'd put in the laundry. But I guess it's like soy sauce...who knew?
So, I am impatiently awaiting the announcement of Duggar child 19. Until then, eat up that tater tot casserole.

Crafts for the Craft Challenged: Tie Blanket

This year, in an effort to be thoughtful and frugal, I decided to make tie blankets for my nieces' and nephews' Christmas gifts. What you must understand about me is that I am terrified of sewing machines (I was sternly warned to stay away from my mother's as a child and I think it put an unnatural fear in me). So, the only blankets I know how to make involve no thread at all.

Thus, the tie blanket. You tie it together. I KNOW.

So, here is my first attempt at a pictorial lesson. Indulge me.

You will need:

- 2 same size pieces of fleece - I vary the size of the blanket on the size of the person. Also, I like to use a pattern on one side and a solid on the other

- Pins

- Very sharp scissors

- A large area to spread out the fleece. I've found a made bed works well, or a large piece of cardboard.

- A glass of white wine, so if you spill it on the blanket it won't stain. Red is okay if it's in a sippy cup.

Step 1: Lay the pieces of fleece on top of each other. If you're using a pattern, make sure the nice side is facing out. Smooth the fleece out and even the edges.














Step 2: Pin the fleece together at 6 inch or so intervals, whatever you need to keep everything together.














Step 3: On the edges, cut 1 inch wide, 4-6 inch long (depending on how fringe-y you want the blanket) strips. Go all the way around.














It'll look all fancy like this:

Step 4: Cut squares out at the corners, about 4"x4". You'll understand why when you tie.


Step 5: Start tying knots. Be careful not to skip pieces. Keep tying till you can't tie no more. Literally, not figuratively.

















It'll look like this. A little bunchy.


Step 6: Gently pull the bunchy out. You might hear a little ripping sound. If its from the fabric, don't worry. If it's NOT from the fabric, drink more wine, you probably need it.


Step 7: Stand back and bask in the glory of your domesticity.

Why I'm Not a Ballerina.

Tomorrow, I go my new building for work. They moved us back to the big building. Back to the compound.

In honor of my beloved Pioneer Square, which I'll miss dearly, I'll leave you with this:

Picture it - Last week. Pioneer Square. Lunchtime - the streets are crawling with people. Me, feeling pretty sassy in some wide leg pants that are a bit long and some pointy boots. I've just emerged from my favorite bookstore. I'm hitting my stride right in front of the most crowded sandwich shop on First. Then it happens.

My boot catches in the cuff of my pants.

As if in slow motion, I go down. I go down HARD.

I spring up like a rabbit, and look into the window of the sandwich shop at about twenty horrified onlookers.

I want to die.

I run (carefully) away.

Fin.

Clearly I'm Easily Amused.

I work with a man about my dad's age who is constantly dropping these colloquialisms that have obviously been around for a while but I've never heard. He is an absolute pro at slipping them casually into conversation. I'm totally jealous.

Some of his latest gems:
Nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.
Busy as a one legged man in an ass kicking contest.

I don't know why, but these seriously crack me up. I got to thinking - why is it that middle aged men are so good at hokey sayings and really, really bad jokes? I think I want to be good at these things too. So I'm starting a collection.

Some more I like:
Hotter than a redheaded roofer in Palm Springs in July.
It's like trying to herd cats.
Raining like a cow peeing on a flat rock.

Got any good ones? I need some dorky one liners for the holidays.

They Say the Mind is the First To Go...

I don't know why, but lately I've been talking to myself...or maybe I'm just noticing it more. Sometimes I'll catch myself having a conversation that I thought was just in my head, but I'm actually vocalizing it.
So I wonder, am I just getting old? Or am I regressing to having an imaginary friend? Is this something that inevitably happens? It's so weird.
For a while, I thought I might just be doing it since I wasn't having regular adult conversations. But then I noticed I sometimes do it at work.
The thing that makes me feel a bit better is I have a few co-workers who do the same thing. They cover it pretty well by wearing earpieces so it appears they're on a call. But I know...oh yes, I know.
For me, it's in the category of rocking out in the car. I think most people sing while they're driving, but tone it down as they hit red lights. But as soon as you're moving again, game on.
Still, it's a bit embarrassing. I need to work on that 'inner monologue' thing. Or just buy an earpiece. Then I can be crazy and talk to myself all day long.

Stuff I Never Knew I Needed...

and may not be able to live without.

Bacon salt? Yes, apparently this is already on grocery shelves, and the same company is releasing Baconnaise (bacon flavored mayo) later this month. I have to admit, I'm intrigued. I love me some bacon.

I was on Drugstore.com and noticed the area at the bottom with new featured products. The Va-Jay-Jay Visor was one of those items. Marketed as the first 'cup for women', it's supposed to protect your lady parts while tanning, tattooing, waxing, or trying on swimwear. But does it protect your dignity? Hmmm.

And, believe it or not, both of these products were developed in Washington. I am SO proud!

June Cleaver I Am Not.

Not too sure how I should feel about being a TOTAL FAILURE at being a 1930's wife. Probably pretty good!

Some of my favorite questions:
Often comments on husband's strength and masculinity - CAN'T. STOP. LAUGHING. Not that Brian isn't strong and masculine, but dude, SERIOUSLY. Dude.
Wears pajamas while cooking - how about 'wears pajamas while doing EVERYTHING.'
Wears soiled or ragged dresses and aprons around the house - Dresses? Aprons? what are those? Ok, I do wear aprons from time to time.

9 As a 1930s wife, I am Very Poor (Failure) Take the test!